Disclaimer: I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist. I have not obtained any college credits or degrees in the fields of psychology nor psychiatry. I AM a born again believer in JESUS CHRIST and am filled with the Holy Spirit and armed with the WORD OF GOD.
It has been said by both women and men that WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL CREATURES. I believe both sexes are emotional creatures but women handle their emotional situations much differently in many cases.
As a woman, I know all too well about emotional issues. I know all too well how to carry around emotional baggage on the inside while trying to make the outside look good. I know all about the emotional scars that makes one depressed, suicidal, oppressed, and just not care about life anymore. However, on the flip side of that, I also know that GOD wants us all to be whole (spirit, soul and body). Hence this blog.
Emotional Scar #1 … At a very early age, I believed my birth mother did not love me and did not want me to be her child. Mom had 8 other children besides me but me and my brother who is two years older than me were the only two who my mom wasn’t raising at the time. We were in FOSTER CARE living with another “mommy”. We knew we were not the biological or “real” children of “mommy” because we would have visits with our birth mother, regularly.
Emotional Scar #2 … At the age of 12, my brother and I were moved from the foster home we had come to know as “family”. That home was a loving home and our foster mother loved herself some JESUS. She took us to church with her and what she did at church, she did at home: Prayed, sang unto the LORD; and most of all, she showed the love of GOD to my brother and I but due to some physical abuse my brother sustained before we were ever placed into foster care, my brother’s behavior was too much for our foster mother and as a result, we BOTH were moved to another foster home.
Emotional and Physical Abuse #1 … This new foster home brought new problems and another level of emotional baggage. In this home, the foster mother was an alcoholic. She had two other foster children in the home (a male and a female) who were older than my brother and me. The female was a lesbian who made sexual advances towards me and when I refused, she demonstrated her anger by beating me up (I was glad to take the beating versus what she wanted me to do to her, sexually). The new “mommy” didn’t care that I was getting the pulp beat out of me. She was too intoxicated to care. She showed no love towards me and my brother but she made us her personal slaves. We had to rub her feet, do her hair; empty coffee cans filled with hot pee that the foster mother’s boyfriend used as a toilet because he couldn’t go up and down the steps often due to having a broken leg. Can you imagine the smell that comes from a can of hot pee and the feeling of having that stinky hot pee spill onto your hands? “Mr. Jimmy” used to smack me on my behind every time I would bend over and to pick up his can of pee but my foster mother would always say things like “you nasty little girl. You are being fresh. You put your behind in his face so he could touch it” and she knew that wasn’t true because she would sit right there and WATCH Mr. Jimmy do his dirt. To add insult to injury, our new foster mother had another house across town which she used for house parties which consisted of gambling and of course drinking. She would take me with her and I would be the errand girl for all the men. I would go to the store and get cigarettes and beer for them and they would pay me. There were sexual advances made towards me but none ever were fulfilled, thank GOD. To make a long, long story short, the foster mother wound up abandoning us one day and we were moved to another foster home. This time, all four of us went.
Emotional and Physical Abuse #2 … Here we go again. Moving to another foster home. At first, the foster parents seemed loving and caring. They already had two children living there. One biological child and one they adopted. Both, girls. The oldest “brother” decided that he didn’t want to live there so he up and left (sometimes I wish I had followed him). As time went on, we began to see things change. The “sister” who wanted me to be a lesbian realized she couldn’t work her mojo their either and so she left too. WHAT A RELIEF!!! Not long after her departure, I began to notice vast differences in the way the two other were treated versus the way me and my brother were treated. We were constantly reminded of the fact that we were foster children and that we were only there temporarily. Temporary meant 5 years. During this time at this new home, I would experience bouts of unexplained sicknesses, mostly with my belly and with my joints. Each time I was taken to the doctor, the test results would come back negative so the foster parents decided that I was feigning sickness to get attention. WRONG!!! Later on during our stay, we got beat with belts and hands. I remember getting slapped in the face so hard, I literally saw cartoon stars swirling around my head. NO joking.
After taking abuse from this new mommy for five years, I decided enough was enough. On my 17th birthday, I walked out of the house, went to a friend of mine’s house and moved in with them. Mom-Mom, as she was affectionately called, was a jewel. She knew how to love unconditionally. From the time she met me she treated me like I was born of her very own flesh.
This is just a brief synopsis of some of the layers of emotional baggage I had within me. As I grew older and situations changed, I added more layers of rejection, anger, hate. suicidal thoughts, hoping someone would kill me, sleeping around, etc. I was WOUNDED and needed to be healed.
My healing didn’t come from drinking, smoking and giving my body away to whatever man wanted me at the time. My healing didn’t come from trying to hurt others before they hurt me. My healing came when I decided to forgive others, ask GOD to forgive me, ask others to forgive me, REPENT, and be real with GOD about the hurt and pain I was experiencing. HE knew already but I had to be real with HIM and with myself. For years I had blamed everybody else for EVERYTHING I had experienced but I had to finally come clean and admit that I had something to do with some of the things that happened in my life.
As a result of being truthful, my healing began. What is it that has you bound today? What is it that keeps you from moving on in your life? What is that keeps you in the bondage of putting on a pretty mask and dressing up the outside while on the inside you’re all cripple and bent up?
If you wan to be healed, I know a man who can heal you and HIS name is JESUS. Take a look at the woman in Luke 13:10-16. She had a spirit of infirmity for 18 years but JESUS healed her when HE saw her. HE had compassion on her and healed her. That SAME JESUS had compassion on me and healed me and HE’LL do the same for you. TRUST JESUS TODAY FOR YOUR HEALING.
I can be reached on facebook at https://www.facebook.com/NotWillingThatAnyShouldPerish2Peter2.9