A Stepmom’s Heartache

If you’ve never been a stepmother, then you may not understand this. When I got married the last time, I inherited a daughter. She treated me horribly. She felt like I was coming between her and her dad, and in a way I was. How? I was now bringing order to the home. I was seeing to it that she respected her dad by not physically fighting him (he has Cerebral Palsy). I tried to get her to go to school and get her education, and I tried to teach her how to be a clean female – you know, personal hygiene.

Now before anybody thinks that I went into the marriage trying to be her mother, WRONG!!! This child was 15 years old when I married her dad. She was set in her ways: disrespectful to her dad and ANY adult who tried to instruct, correct and show any type of love. This child was rude, sexually active, and truant. You may ask. “Why did you marry him when you knew his daughter was so bad?” and the answer is this: I love him and I thought I could love his child.I mistakenly thought that since I didn’t have my own birth daughter in my life, I could at least love this child and maybe GOD would grant me my daughter (and sons) back. 
Living with my husband and stepdaughter – It was hell. My husband and I argued and argued many days and nights because of this child. I felt like he was too lenient on her and she thought I was too hard on her. He was stuck in the middle.
13 years later, I finally heard her say, “I love you” to me. While I really appreciated her saying that, and I received it from her, I could only long to hear it from the daughter I birthed 25 years ago. I went through hell with another man’s daughter while the daughter I birthed gathered feelings of hate towards me because I wasn’t there. Isn’t THAT ironic. My stepdaughter was taking her frustration, hate and anger out on me because HER mother wasn’t there for her. I wanted to scream, and silently I did. The stepdaughter was hugging me, but I was actually hugging her and longing to hug the daughter I birthed 25 years ago. I love her so. I just want to hear her say, Mom, I understand but I don’t know if I ever will.
My stepdaughter is 28 years old now with two children of her own. The same way she treated me is the same way they are treating her. She can’t handle it. She wants them to go live with their dad. KARMA?

I can’t laugh. I can’t be happy about what she is going through with her children because I went through it with her so I know how she feels but I can’t help but to think “KARMA”?
No mother/stepmother or dad/stepdad deserves to be disrespected and treated like they are hated when all they try to do is provide love, food, housing and understanding. Why do children think we OWE them something just because we birthed them? As a parent, I owe you love. I am supposed to take care of you, but what is this new thing about a child only has to respect their parent or any adult if the parent/adult respects them? HUH? I’m not understanding that.
Well, I said all that to say that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, being a stepmom is not appreciated – in a lot of cases- until the stepchild grows up, has children of their own, and then realize that the very things they are trying to teach their children, they learned from the STEPMOM.

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