Tag Archives: GOD is love

Recycling Garbage!

I just watched a wonderful video by a young man named Prince Ea on Facebook. He made some excellent points about allowing garbage in your life. His video got me to thinking about the garbage I have allowed into my life over the years and how it (the garbage) has affected me.

As many of you know, I grew up in foster care. I suffered much abuse from the ages of 12-16. Yeah, that’s only four years, but those were some hellish years, wrought with physical, sexual and mental abuse. I learned how to be a physically and verbally abusive wife and mother during those years, by watching one of my foster mothers treat her husband and us foster children like we were somehow not deserving of love. I learned how to talk mean to, and about people whether or not they did anything to me that would justify my actions. I further learned how to be “good” or on my best behavior around certain people (putting on facade’s). I learned how to be demanding, abrupt, and just plain old callous. Relationships had an expiration date and the date was determined by me. I learned to cuss at people and physically fight, just for the heck of it (I didn’t really fight that much, but when I did, I picked on or bullied someone whom I knew was not going to challenge me until one day, I became the one being bullied). Yes, I had a lot of other garbage deposited in me and one of the major things was rejection. I rejected love because I didn’t really know what it was. I rejected people because I thought everybody was out to get me. How wrong I was.

During the last 3-4 years, God has systematically been healing me from my past hurts – in other words, He has been taking out the garbage. He has been changing my old mindsets and replacing them with HIS mindset as I pray and study His Word. Let me say this: God has tried to take the garbage out before, but I kept on recycling it. I didn’t know how to be Theresa without holding on to the garbage. I was actually afraid of becoming somebody else if I allowed God to heal me and that was a trick of the enemy of my soul. Satan wanted me to stay bound so that I couldn’t become who God intended me to be. He wanted me to stay stuck in misery, self-hate, self-loathing – filled with suicidal thoughts and self-damaging choices. But God had another plan for my life and that was for me to be healed and to walk in the newness of life.

Are you holding on to garbage that needs to be put out? Have you attempted to take the garbage to the curb, but before the garbage man could come to collect it, you went back out to the curb and re-collected it?

I pray for you that you will allow God to heal you of all garbage that was deposited into you. I pray that you will determine in your mind that you will be FREE because JESUS came to set the captives free. I pray that you will let God heal you so that you can be a witness to someone else who is going through the same thing that you are going through right now.

Don’t recycle the garbage. Let the trash go and be healed, in Jesus’ name. Amen.


Some points from the video:

Our input determines our output

GMO’S  greedy, miserable, obnoxious (stay away from these types of people)

Fix yourself and become an example

Keeping hanging out with losers you will pick up their qualities.

Figure out what you want out of life, because you are going to be with YOU for the rest of your life.

I Co-Wrote A Book – Part 3

So, as I was writing my chapter for the book “Dear Lord, I Married The Wrong Person – HER STORY“, I had a chance to reflect on the turmoil I had actually gone through with that man. I remembered how I KNEW he was lying about doing drugs and sleeping with other women to get drugs, but he would come home after two or three days and sweet talk me and I would let him back in – to live like everything was ok.

I remembered how this man would look me in my face and convince ME that the reason he was on drugs was MY FAULT. Get this: HE WAS ON DRUGS BEFORE I EVER MET HIM!! But because I didn’t want him to leave me, I allowed him to tell me that it was my fault and I found myself apologizing to him for making him so miserable that he wanted and needed to do drugs.

I also remembered how he used to steal my money. I would go to work while he sat home. I worked long hours every day. While I was at work, he was scheming on how to get my money. I would hide the money in various locations in the house and he would find it. I don’t til this day, know how he would find the money, but he did. When he would steal it, I would ask him why and he told me HE HAD TO STEAL it because I wouldn’t GIVE IT to him.

See, I was his enabler. I was co-dependent. I was so afraid of rejection or abandonment that I put up with his crap. I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want another failed relationship. Why can’t I just be happy? Why can’t my man love me enough to leave the drugs alone? Wasn’t I good enough? Wasn’t I worth loving? I couldn’t bear the thought of not being woman enough to keep a man, even a drug-addicted man. Darn!!! I MUST BE ugly, not good for anything. I MUST BE worthless and undeserving of love.

So against my better judgment, I stayed with him. I tried to trick him into going to rehab. I tried to bribe him into rehab. I even tried to get him to go to marriage counselling with me but he would not budge. I felt defeated. I felt like a loser. This just made me feel worse about myself. This just made me rehearse the words I had heard as a child: “You’re worthless. You’ll never be anything. Nobody in their right mind will ever want you. You’re a foster child and foster children are no good”. I thought, “maybe they were right”.

I Co-Authored A Book – Dear Lord, I Think I Married The Wrong Person

In this book, “Dear Lord, I Think I Married the Wrong Person,” I speak about “Unholy Matrimony”.

Here’s an excerpt: “In June of 1996, upon my return to Philadelphia, I was lonely, depressed and looking for love. Not really love, but for the attention from which I felt I deserved. I was looking for a man who as going to treat me like I had dreamed – love on me no matter what: tell me that I was beautiful no matter what I looked like. A man who was handsome, patient, had money to buy me things, and would take me out to dinner.I wanted a man who could stand up and be a man in any situation; I wanted a man who understood this broken woman; this mentally and physically abused woman; this woman who had hang-ups about sex due to being raped. I wanted a man to love the little girl who was abandoned by her mother at the age of 9 months. I wanted a man who would hold me and tell me everything would be alright. Yes, I was dreaming and I was foolish enough to believe that a man, a mere man could take on all that baggage I was carrying around”.

As I sat here typing this excerpt, I realized I expected a man to do what only GOD could do for me and was to HEAL ME.

Abuse, if not addressed, can cause life-long problems for the abused as well as for the abuser. NO FORM OF ABUSE IS OK AT ANY TIME.  People were not made to be abused. We were created in love, by GOD and we are to demonstrate love to others; however, we know that we do not live in a perfect world but we can do better.

If you would like more information about this book of which I was one of 15 female authors, please contact me via Facebook @ Theresa Godismakingmeoveragain Scott.