Tag Archives: happiness

Understanding Love – 1 Corinthians 13

                                                    “You didn’t clean up the kitchen!” “You always have MY living                                               room looking a mess!” “Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah!!!”                                                                           Notebook and pen

I read an article by Mustardseedbudget.wordpress.com entitled “Love Keeps No Record of Wrong” and I got to thinking of how I used to actually keep mental, and sometimes written records of what I thought my husband had done wrong to me. The things I kept record of were absolutely ridiculous and not really worth keeping record of. Things like, not putting his clothes in the hamper or leaving “my living room” out of order with his papers and books (he was a pastor and high school teacher so he had to have a place to study and check students’ work). He would cook dinner but I would be upset that he made a mess in the kitchen without cleaning it up. Let me tell you, I was a mess.

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Then one day, the Holy Spirit spoke to my spirit and said, “What if God kept a record of your wrongdoing and brought up your shortcomings? How would you feel?” That right there, stopped me in my tracks and made me think of how horrible I had been acting towards my husband about minor things. Things that could be easily corrected. Unfortunately, I reverted back to my old ways of keeping record of wrong until one day, my husband had had enough. He said, “Theresa, why is it that every time we have an argument, you bring up something I did wrong?” He went on to say, “I don’t do that to you and I have plenty of things I could say but I choose not to say them because they don’t really matter and I love you so I forgive you when you do something wrong. When are you going to let go and stop bringing up what I did? You say you forgive me, but you don’t because if you did, you wouldn’t keep bringing stuff up”. Well, I have to tell you, I felt like the worse person on earth. After all, my husband has never cheated on me, hit me, called me names, spent his/our money on illicit or unnecessary things, etc. I had/have the best husband I could ask for. He loves God (which I asked for). He is just a great man. But I was messed up inside. I was lashing out at him because I still needed healing from things I had suffered as a child and even in my adult life.

When my husband expressed his feelings, I had to sit down and reflect on what he said. I was not operating in love ~ agape. I was operating in selfishness. I wanted EVERYTHING to be MY WAY or NO WAY. It was my way to have control because growing up in foster care, I didn’t have control over the abuse I received. I didn’t have any control over how I was treated and I was determined that I was going to control what happened in my life from the time I left foster care until I closed my eyes in death. I didn’t know that I was messed up and was destroying my marital relationship.

Fast forward.

God has done some wonderful things in my life. I am still healing from some past hurts, but I no longer reflect my pain onto my husband. Whenever I feel something, I pray about it and allow God to heal that. I don’t waste paper and energy to write down what I consider wrong because God does not do that to me. If HE did, there would be enough books to fill several nice-sized libraries. I don’t allow the negative, condemning thoughts to take up space in my mind anymore.

Walking in God’s love is a choice. We have free will. I choose to do 1 Corinthians 13 and it has saved me and my marriage. My husband can truly say that he likes the woman I have become. Of course he has always loved me, but he didn’t like me very much. How could he. I was not likable. Truthfully, I didn’t like myself but I thank God for Change.

Thank you Mustard Seed Budget for your article. It is needed.

Not Always Sunshine ~ Not Always Pain

Life hasn’t always be sunshine
nor has it always been pain

Life hasn’t always been cloudy
nor has it always been rain.

Life has it’s ups and downs
Yes, Life has its smiles and its frowns

But what I know about this life of mine
although it could be better, it’s still going fine.

I mean, nobody said there’d be ups without downs
nobody promised me always smiles and no frowns.

Nobody promised me there’d always be sunshine and no rain
Nobody promised me that there’d be always joy and no pain.

But I heard someone say “Live is like a box of chocolates…You never know what you’re gonna get” and that’s one spoken word I’ll never forget.

So always remember that we must take the good and the bad
And let us remember that we’ll have happy times and sad.

But always remember that after the storm comes the rainbow
And after the pain, comes the victory glow.

New Day, New Me

Good morning everybody. How is you day going thus far? Well, I got up and wrote about 6 pages in my book and I am feeling great. I love it when I get so engrossed into the story that I have to shake myself when I’m done to make sure it’s fiction, and not my real life. Then again, maybe it IS my real life. Nope. Just bits and pieces.

I have decided that I’m birthing a new me. New hair do. New clothes, new nails, but most of all, A NEW ATTITUDE.

Yes, I have decided that I am worth so much more. My problem has not been that I didn’t know it, I just did believe it nor receive it. I did know I was worth more than being a Lupus/MS statistic. Sure, I knew I was worth more than being other people’s’ flunkies – you know, helping them get their business up and running and then when it’s time for me, they scandalized and criticize my name so I can’t go forward. But for you, I say…..Karma’s gonna get you….

I’m ready to reap the good sowing that I did for others. Yes, I deserve it so now I am seeking it to claim it.

I’m ready to reap the rewards which I deserve for helping those whose only goal was to get themselves ahead. I used to be mad at them but now I thank them for training me with the skills I need to do my own works…….Thank you….You thought you used me and discarded me, but GOD turned that thing around for my benefit.

So, as I embark on my 49th birthday, I have decided that I want a new day and a new me. I deserve it. Whomever wants to take this ride with me is more than welcome to come. Whomever doesn’t, walk about it….I’m good.

Yes, I am about to emerge into the butterfly which was in the cocoon for far too long. It was comfortable in the cocoon but it was lonely. It was familiar being in the cocoon, but it was not meant to be my final destination. I am emerging A NEW ME!!!

I’ve held me back for so long and now, I’m taking off ALL CHAINS – Chains of fear, chains of rejection, chains of doubt, chains of unflattering responses to my work and/or my look. I am BRAND NEW….INSIDE AND OUT.

IT’S A NEW SEASON

IT’S A NEW DAY

A FRESH ANOINTING

IS FLOWING MY WAY

IT’S A SEASON OF POWER

AND PROSPERITY

IT’S A NEW SEASON AND IT’S COMING TO ME!!!

THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS NEW DAY AND THIS NEW ME!!!Image

Don’t Worry, or Be Gray

I have worried about things I cannot change

only to find out that my worrying was in vain.

The only thing that worrying has bred

Are hundreds more gray hairs in my head.

So Don’t Worry Be happy, Is What I want to say

Or else you’ll be just like me, with thousands of hairs that are grayImage

Just thought I’d drop a little bit of humor. I sure needed it. 🙂

Just Grateful

Sometimes we forget about the “important” things. You know, like breathing; having food; having electric, gas and hot water. Having the freedom to choose what clothes we’re going to wear today or what channel we are going to watch on television. Sometimes we take the ability to walk, see and talk for granted. We even take our freedom in these United States for granted. Sure, things in these United States could be much better, but they could also be much worse. As of right now, we still have choices we can make without being carted off to jail. We can choose whom to marry (man/man, woman/woman(in some states), or man/woman in any state); we can choose whether or not to go to college as well as choose whether or not to bring forth a child. We can choose our religion or we can choose to worship a tree, rock or anything. We can choose where to live (in most cases – some people can’t choose to live certain places because of hate crimes and racism which refuses to die); We can choose what school to send our child to or we can home school them. People can choose whether or not to go into the military and who to vote for. We can choose what doctor and/or hospital to go to (in the majority of cases); We can chose to consume pork, chicken, beef or fish or we can choose to be vegetarian.
Bottom line is this: I’m just grateful……..What about you?