Tag Archives: memories

Gone Too Soon: The Trial of My Nephew’s Murderer.

Today, I am scheduled to attend a trial for the man who killed my nephew. After so much in the media about the George Zimmerman trial and his acquittal in the murder of Trayvon Martin, I wonder what will be the outcome for this murderer.

My nephew was 26 when he was murdered. Why did that guy kill him? Because my nephew wouldn’t move off of the step at a gentleman’s club. He had every right to stand there but the off-duty bouncer felt the need to flex his “power” and come at my nephew’s neck, literally. That off-duty bouncer shot my nephew point blank in his throat! See. my nephew was no punk. He was afraid of nobody and all who knew him knew that. He wasn’t mean. He wasn’t a “thug”. He just didn’t take people’s mess. 

In this day and age, it’s better to walk away from foolishness because people don’t fight fair. When I was growing up, it was a real tragedy when we heard that someone was killed by a gun. Why? Because back then, people mostly fought with fists. We called them “fair ones”. We’d say, “Can’t get along, get a fair one going”. That simply meant that the opponents would fight, but not with weapons. Today, however, the gun is the weapon of choice. That seems to be what people use to show how powerful they are. To me, it’s the way of the coward.

So today, I re-mourn the death of my nephew. The memories of his motionless body overtake my thoughts as I prepare to see the person who thought it was his duty to take my nephew’s life. I don’t know how I will feel seeing this man today, but I prayed that GOD forgive him and that this horrible crime will bring him to repentance and to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.

I feel sorry for my sister who will have to see her child’s murderer face to face. I remember how hard it was for her to lose her second child within 7 months of losing the first (due to medical problems). I shudder when I remember her cries as she stood at the casket of her murdered son. I remember that same son as, 7 months prior to his own death, he stood at the casket of his sister, wondering why she had passed away. They were close. He stood at her casket talking to her, telling her how much he missed her. I remember how, after the funeral, he could hardly tear himself away. He would lean into her casket and cry and ask why. His mother, my sister, was in agony as she watched her youngest lay lifeless and her oldest trying to figure out why his sister had to die. 

What makes my memories of my nephew grieving for his sister, my niece, is the memory of a man at the funeral begging my nephew to give his life to GOD. Again, my nephew wasn’t a bad guy. He was well loved by his peers. He had three children and another one on the way (she was born the day before my nephew died. He never got a chance to meet her). My nephew was a playa, though. Yes. The ladies loved him. He was handsome and just had a way about him that drew the ladies to him. He was handsome and had eyes that were hypnotizing. He smoked weed and drank his alcohol but he wasn’t a gang banger. He wasn’t out there killing people. He was a playa. He frequented gentleman’s clubs. He liked what he liked. He wasn’t born again. He lived his life the way he did, but that was no cause for anybody to take it upon themselves to kill him. But getting back to the guy at the funeral. He begged my nephew to give his life to GOD. He told him that GOD wanted him to surrender his life to HIM. This man told my nephew that he saw something bad about to happen to him and he begged him to stop what he was doing and to come to salvation. We all sat there and gasped. Some thought the man was out of order. I didn’t. I knew he wouldn’t live a long life. I knew he would be killed because there were guys who, because of my nephew’s popularity throughout West Philly, were jealous and considered my nephew a threat.

I don’t know all that my nephew did in his life. I do know he was a good person. I know he loved his mom and his sister. I know that he loved his children and lots of people who came in contact with him, loved him. He was a genuine funny guy. He could make you laugh and his comedic talent was natural. Gone too soon. 

I miss my nephew. I regret that he is gone. Let’s see what today’s trial will bring out.

Missing Mom and Wondering “What IF?”

Today marks the 1-year “anniversary” (if I should call it anniversary, I don’t know) of my mom’s death. My family are upset and still crying as if she actually passed, today. I can understand that but I’m feeling kind of sad, too; not because mom passed, but because I didn’t know her like the rest of my family knew her and two years wasn’t enough time for me to get to really know her. I try to think what it would have been like to be raised with my mother. Although mom had her problems, as we all do, I still catch myself wondering what would have my life been like had I been raised by my mother.

My siblings got hugs I didn’t get. They had heart to heart talks with mom that I will never get.  When they got sick, mom was there to nurse them back to health, but not me. Sometimes I find myself being envious, jealous and yes, even angry when I see the baby pictures, and the pictures of my siblings as they grew up and I am not in any of the pictures. That hurts but I can’t go back and place myself in those photos.

Sometimes I feel as though I got robbed by not having my mom when I was growing up. Sometimes it hurts like I can’t even explain, but then I think of how I turned out and I think my life turned out for the best.

Did I have major problems? Yes, but I can’t blame my mother for that. She could only be who she was at that time. She had issues. A baby son of hers was alive when she went to do her errands but when she got back home, he was dead in the playpen. That caused her to spiral into drunkenness, a trip which she never came back from.

So, on this day of remembering the passing of my mother, 1 year ago today, I wrestle with thoughts of “WHAT IF?” I will never know the answer to that question but I do believe GOD chose this life for me.