January 21, 2015 through January 27, 2015.
Tomorrow, my Kindle book will be on sale for $0.99. An Attitude of Love: The Ways of A Godly Wife. It talks about my struggles to be a good wife after having lived a life of abuse, rejection and fake love. Please check it out on Amazon,com
Comments welcome!
God Saved My Marriage Video –
This video is #1 in a series where I talk about my book An Attitude of Love: The Ways of A Godly Wife. I will share some real life experiences that my husband and I went through at the worst of our marriage. I will also share how God changed my heart and healed me from all of the baggage which I was carrying.
I was a little girl in a woman’s body, crying out for help. When God knew that I was serious and wanted to change ME, then HE stepped in and helped me to become the woman I am today.
I hope you enjoy these videos and I pray that somebody can be helped after seeing these videos.
God bless you.
I LOVE MY HUSBAND!
Hello Everyone. Please take a look at this video from my YouTube Channel. It is a little insight into my new book
An Attitude of Love: The Ways of A Godly Wife.
Does this look familiar? Husband and wife going at each other’s neck. I don’t know what the couple in the picture is “arguing” about, but I’d like to stand there and just say “LET IT GO!!!”
I used to be an argumentative, contentious woman. Everything got on my nerves. Everything was a reason for ME to argue or find fault. I WAS MISERABLE and I made my husband miserable. Why? Because I had some things from my past that I did not let go of and I brought that baggage into my marriage.
I didn’t realize how damaged I was and how much unforgiveness I was holding on to. Arguing had become a sport for me. I didn’t feel right unless I was arguing. It gave me some sort of pseudo power. I felt like in was in control when I argued with my husband because he is not an arguer. He is a peaceful man. And yes, he had been through some difficult things in his life, but he had let it go! He chose not to carry the hurt of his youth in to his present/future.
I remember when one of my husband’s uncle’s passed away. My husband eulogized him and during the sermon, one thing that stuck out from the entire sermon was this; “Let it Go!!!” This was before Disney came out with the movie, Frozen. In fact, that was back in 2001.
He told the listening audience to let go of anger that you’ve been holding on to for years and years. He said, “some of you are angry with people and don’t even remember why. Let it go!!!” People began to start crying and said they wanted to let it go. Some of the people at the funeral were arch enemies because they were the girlfriends of my husbands deceased uncle. They were wondering which one of them were going to get his money, but he had a wife whom he was still legally married to (yes the other women knew it). So, in the end, they had to LET IT GO because now, sugar daddy was dead and the money train was gone. It wasn’t the fault of the other mistress so they had to let it go.
Then he talked about his own life….how he had to forgive his dad for not being there for him and his brother. He said, publicly, “I felt bad when you left us, dad, but today, I LET IT GO!” He said, “Dad, I love you and whatever happened in our past, I let it go!!!” His father never forgot that. Every time they got together, his dad always brought it up and thanked him for saying “Let It Go”. They had a better relationship during his dad’s later years than they ever had. I was proud of my husband and so were many others.
However, when it came my time to let it go, I had a hard time with it. I couldn’t let go of the feelings I had towards the man who violently raped me. I couldn’t let go of the fact that the right to raise my children was taken away from me due to revenge. I couldn’t let go of the feelings I had of being rejected by several men. I couldn’t let go of the fact that I felt like the world hated me. No. I couldn’t let go. If I let go, I would be losing another part of me. The only part I had control of.
Fast forward to 2010, I was faced with a situation that was heart-wrenching. I needed to take a trip but God would not let me go until I released some of the emotional baggage that I was still holding on to. Number 1 bag that had to go was HATE/anger. How could I help someone else with all of that hate inside of me? So, as God does it, HE had me to confess my hurt/HATE/anger and begin to deal with it. I wrestled with God for a moment and then, finally, I LET IT GO! I LET GO OF THE HATE/ANGER/HURT. Yes, I was finally free of that part of my life, and it felt good. I could face whom/what I needed to face without being bitter, hateful, resentful, etc. I HAD, FOR THE FIRST TIME, LET IT GO! And guess who it helped? ME.
So, let it go. Whatever it is, Let it Go. If you feel as if you can’t, ask God to help you. I know for a fact that HE will help you if you want HIM to. It may hurt to release all of the baggage, but you deserve to be free from the mental anguish. You deserve to be free from any and all guilt you may be feeling. You deserve to be FREE.
I am so glad that I am no longer argumentative towards my husband. Of course, he is ecstatic about it. He has a new wife and that new wife is me. Why? Because I let it go………….
“You didn’t clean up the kitchen!” “You always have MY living room looking a mess!” “Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah!!!”
I read an article by Mustardseedbudget.wordpress.com entitled “Love Keeps No Record of Wrong” and I got to thinking of how I used to actually keep mental, and sometimes written records of what I thought my husband had done wrong to me. The things I kept record of were absolutely ridiculous and not really worth keeping record of. Things like, not putting his clothes in the hamper or leaving “my living room” out of order with his papers and books (he was a pastor and high school teacher so he had to have a place to study and check students’ work). He would cook dinner but I would be upset that he made a mess in the kitchen without cleaning it up. Let me tell you, I was a mess.
Then one day, the Holy Spirit spoke to my spirit and said, “What if God kept a record of your wrongdoing and brought up your shortcomings? How would you feel?” That right there, stopped me in my tracks and made me think of how horrible I had been acting towards my husband about minor things. Things that could be easily corrected. Unfortunately, I reverted back to my old ways of keeping record of wrong until one day, my husband had had enough. He said, “Theresa, why is it that every time we have an argument, you bring up something I did wrong?” He went on to say, “I don’t do that to you and I have plenty of things I could say but I choose not to say them because they don’t really matter and I love you so I forgive you when you do something wrong. When are you going to let go and stop bringing up what I did? You say you forgive me, but you don’t because if you did, you wouldn’t keep bringing stuff up”. Well, I have to tell you, I felt like the worse person on earth. After all, my husband has never cheated on me, hit me, called me names, spent his/our money on illicit or unnecessary things, etc. I had/have the best husband I could ask for. He loves God (which I asked for). He is just a great man. But I was messed up inside. I was lashing out at him because I still needed healing from things I had suffered as a child and even in my adult life.
When my husband expressed his feelings, I had to sit down and reflect on what he said. I was not operating in love ~ agape. I was operating in selfishness. I wanted EVERYTHING to be MY WAY or NO WAY. It was my way to have control because growing up in foster care, I didn’t have control over the abuse I received. I didn’t have any control over how I was treated and I was determined that I was going to control what happened in my life from the time I left foster care until I closed my eyes in death. I didn’t know that I was messed up and was destroying my marital relationship.
Fast forward.
God has done some wonderful things in my life. I am still healing from some past hurts, but I no longer reflect my pain onto my husband. Whenever I feel something, I pray about it and allow God to heal that. I don’t waste paper and energy to write down what I consider wrong because God does not do that to me. If HE did, there would be enough books to fill several nice-sized libraries. I don’t allow the negative, condemning thoughts to take up space in my mind anymore.
Walking in God’s love is a choice. We have free will. I choose to do 1 Corinthians 13 and it has saved me and my marriage. My husband can truly say that he likes the woman I have become. Of course he has always loved me, but he didn’t like me very much. How could he. I was not likable. Truthfully, I didn’t like myself but I thank God for Change.
Thank you Mustard Seed Budget for your article. It is needed.
Hey everybody,
Please view my new video on YouTube. It is about my new book, An Attitude of Love: The Ways of A Godly Wife.
Thank you for your support.
(Please click thumbs up and leave a comment so that I can know that you were there.
God bless you.
The video for my book – An Attitude of Love: The Ways of A Godly Wife
Out of a Pure Heart Ministries 